That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
