I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
