There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
