Betty ford says i'm here all night
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
pop tarts are not kleenex
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Randomize
