His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
