If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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