For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
