i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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