Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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