god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize