i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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