I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
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