Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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