So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
