i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
