I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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