Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
