I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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