So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
My penis needs a shock collar
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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