Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
