She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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