You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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