oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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