Me too!
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
