Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
