No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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