I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize