I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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