Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
