we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
