I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
