Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
