my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Dignity is for republicans.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
