FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
