i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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