The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
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