his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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