So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I want to be your penis for a week.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
