The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
