we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
