the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize