Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
