i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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