I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
