I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
