I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
