I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
