True but thats because hes a fetus.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize