Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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