How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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