I bet he comes in French.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize