Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize