Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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