I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
we're making bets on your personal life
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
