I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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