Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
