all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
