Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
