and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
why do cheetos always look like penises
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize