when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
This beer is not sobering me up at all
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
