I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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