Can Purell be used as lube?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
