Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
