Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
