My friends, they love my intelligence
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
