using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
