too bad you live with your parents still
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
