home. puking in laundry basket.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
